I know what you’re thinking: “Gee, this guy uses puppies a lot in his blogs.”
It’s true, but this time it’s not a trick. Today’s blog is all about superfluous words – or “dog puppies” as a long-ago boss called them.
Dog puppies (as opposed to, say, cat puppies or cow puppies), can come in a number of forms. They can be words, phrases or even paragraphs. Anything that states the obvious, is repetitious or simply unnecessary.
We see it all the time on the proofing team, but this moniker has been etched into my editing brain since a colleague wrote a headline that began, “Chicago Bulls forward Michael Jordan ….” Granted, in the online world, that would be acceptable because it’s packed with keywords, but proposals are not for the online world.
Proposals are business documents crafted for a specific, targeted audience. Cluttering up copy – even with only an unneeded word here or there – is not only bad writing, but also a habit that might blossom into a problem that costs you one day.
So, to help you avoid the non-cute dog puppies, let’s talk about the Top 5 unneeded (and/or misused) words we commonly see in proposals.
Top 5 dog puppies
1. Both
Both should be used as intended – to mean two things. Both are good ideas. I liked the black shoes and the brown shoes, so I bought both. What makes both so troublesome is that it can be misinterpreted. Consider the following examples:
- Acme Plus is a web-based application providing real-time information at both the corporate and field levels.
- Totally superfluous. This sentence reads perfectly fine without both.
- Chef Eddie honed his skills both locally and nationally and even in Europe and Asia.
- That’s more than two things, no matter how you cut it.
- It is our responsibility to keep Acme Plus informed about the financial performance of your operations and identify both opportunities to enhance the program as well as service efficiencies.
- So, we’re only able to identify two opportunities to benefit the client? That probably won’t win us the job.
2. Very unique
We’ve discussed the problem with “very” before, but in this case the issue is the word unique; it has no peer or equal. Something is either unique or it isn’t. There’s no degree or qualifier required.
- Our program is very unique. You won’t find one like ours anywhere else.
3. Truly
Similar to “very,” truly is often placed into text for emphasis. However, the problem is it’s often emphasizing an absolute. In the example below, truly is not needed; you’re either committed or not.
- Acme Plus is truly committed to providing the best solutions to Fast Eddie’s School of Design.
4. Different
Like both, different is a valid word that should be used – at the right time and place. Unfortunately, we see it more when it’s not needed, such as the example below.
- Acme Plus provides services at seven different schools.
5. That
We saved this one for last because it’s a doozy. Forget that people too often confuse that with who (people are whos, not thats) – and that with which (that is for restricted clauses, which is for unrestricted clauses). Most times, that isn’t needed at all:
- The menus that they create are on par with local restaurants and foodie trends that students love.
- Fast Eddie will tell you that the move to Acme Plus has been the right decision.
- Acme’s process builds customer loyalty by demonstrating that the input and suggestions provided are put into action.
- BONUS: If you search for “ensure that,” “know that,” “believe that” and “understand that” (and the plurals for such), you can almost always delete that.
Stay out of the dog house
Puppies are great. Dog puppies are not. Thus, be good and write purposefully, using clean, sharp content.
I think that’s something we all can agree on. Even cat kitten people.
Don’t be sad. We’ll be back on the first Monday next month with a new blog post. If you can’t wait that long – whether because you have a topic you’d love us to cover, a question or you simply want to throw your two cents into the pot – we love talkin’ shop, so drop us a line.
